Toronto Tenants Say Their Farts Are Getting Them Evicted

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A landlord in Toronto bought an air quality monitor, and now two of her tenants are fighting an eviction on the theory that the monitor is detecting them.

TorontoToday reports that Sam Kruger and S.E. Grummet rent the lower half of a duplex, with their landlord upstairs. Her new monitor started showing spikes in volatile organic compounds, and she suspected smoking. The couple say they don't smoke.

So they investigated. Over one week, they went two days without the gas stove, a day without hot water and a day without electricity. The spikes continued. The numbers dropped when they weren't home. One night they came in and went straight to bed, no lights, no appliances, and the readings spiked almost immediately.

Then Kruger found a page on the monitor company's own website saying its sensors react to "breath and results of other bodily functions in the room during the night." He sent it to the landlord. His summary: "How do I prove to this woman that I'm just farting?"

In June she served notice that she plans to take over the whole house. Their GoFundMe reads, "We are being wrongfully evicted because we fart too much. Really. This is not a joke. We wish we were joking."

The couple perform together as a queer clown duo called Creepy Boys, and their hearing was open to the public, so friends from three countries attended. Grummet said, "They wanted to see the theatre that was us possibly getting evicted for our farts." The board has reserved its decision. The landlord didn't respond to requests for comment.

In Marshfield, Massachusetts, police have been looking for two large cows since Thursday. MassLive reports that on Friday, police announced one cow had been recovered, then amended that to say both were still at large. They keep turning up along Route 3A, between the Marshfield Fair and St. Christine's Church. So they've been to the fair, and they've been to church. They're slow-moving fugitives, and they're winning.

Japan's government has found a new way to explain national defense. SoraNews24 reports that the Government Public Relations Office teamed up with Yoshimoto Kogyo, the country's biggest comedy agency, on manzai-style dialogues between a husband and wife, Kunio and Tamiyo. She asks. He explains.

A sample. Tamiyo: "You ever think we take uneventful days for granted?" Kunio: "Actually, the fact that nothing newsworthy happened today just goes to show ya."

That's the bit.

Reactions online included "the lowest form of propaganda" and, from someone who noticed the format, "The all-knowing man teaching his dimwitted wife." SoraNews couldn't find a single positive comment. Comedy is hard. Comedy approved by a government public relations office is harder.

In England on Saturday, the BBC broadcast a live FA Cup match that nobody could see. Altrincham hosted Notts County in fog so thick that BBC commentator Steve Bower said that after about the sixtieth minute, "We couldn't see which team had the ball, let alone which player had the ball."

It was two-all after extra time. Notts County's manager, Martin Paterson, said, "I just couldn't see if they were listening to me or not." That's true of every manager. He just had weather to prove it.

The penalties were taken at the Altrincham end. ABC News reports that Notts County's fans, about a hundred meters away, couldn't tell whether their own team had scored, so they waited to see if the home fans went quiet, and then celebrated. Notts County won the shootout three-two and moves on to the second round, hopefully somewhere with a view.

Andy Richter, who had a small part in Elf, says the movie nearly got a sequel, written by the Edge. From U2. Per Variety, Richter told a podcast that the film's producer got a message: "The Edge from U2 has written a sequel to Elf, and he wants to talk to you about it." Richter says it was fully written, then "petered out and never happened."

Richter thinks the original should be left alone: "You don't have to use every part of the animal." He has also just co-written a book about the making of Elf. So, one more part.

Over on AskReddit, people shared the most damaging thing they've heard someone say coming out of anesthesia.

One commenter's dad had hernia surgery and woke up telling everyone he'd had a hysterectomy. No amount of correcting helped. People still ask him how his hysterectomy went.

A grandmother woke up, looked at her husband of fifty years and asked, "Who is that man and why is he holding my hand?" He said, "It's me, honey." She doesn't remember it. He has never let it go.

And a boy was asked to count backward from a hundred by sevens. He got to eighty-six and went under. After surgery, his first words were "seventy-nine, seventy-two." He refused to believe he could stop.

Another thread asked chili cook-off winners for their secret ingredient.

The top answer was time, a long slow simmer. Someone took that further: "That's why I put mine in the fridge for a few weeks then enter it in the contest."

Someone reported that in Ohio, the secret ingredient is always cinnamon, adding, "It is a crime against chili."

And for office cook-offs, one person recommended buying a family-size chili from Wendy's and pouring it into a crock pot. Another said their office winner just dumped several cans of Hormel chili into a pot. Quote: "I had never been so disappointed in my coworkers."

Alright guys, That’s all I have for you today. Have a great day. Thanks for listening. See you tomorrow!