New Zealand Picks a Chris, Pizza Has a Rough Week

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New Zealand votes tomorrow, and one result is already in. According to the Associated Press, the next prime minister will be a man named Chris.

The two main parties are led by Christopher Luxon, the current prime minister, and Chris Hipkins, the man he beat last time. The AP calls it the battle of the Chrises, and adds that both are, quote, fairly unpopular with voters. So the country has narrowed it down to one name and still isn't thrilled about it.

There's a reason. Christopher was a hugely popular baby name there until the mid-eighties. In 1968, nearly eight hundred babies got it. Last year, twenty. This is a generational window, and it's closing.

The bench is deep, though. Earlier this year Luxon survived a leadership challenge from another Chris, who he then fired from the Cabinet. On the Labour side, the AP reports, no other lawmakers are named Chris. Hard to say if that's a weakness.

To tell them apart, Luxon is the former head of Air New Zealand. Hipkins loves sausage rolls so publicly that foreign leaders have served them to him on official visits. Most politicians can't get a foreign government to remember their position on trade.

Let's proceed to Australia, where a pizza argument has made it all the way to a federal tribunal.

The Guardian, via the Irish Times, reports that Davide Tamburella, the Italian head chef at a Brisbane restaurant called La Costa, was let go in May after refusing to put pineapple on a pizza. He called it, quote, an insult to his culture. It was the third time he'd refused.

The owner, Elliot Ingram, says a group was spending more than fifteen thousand dollars on a function, and the man paying wanted ham and pineapple. Ingram's own position: "It's probably not my absolute favourite. But I'm not going to turn my nose up at it." He also mentioned it had been on the kids' menu. So the chef was refusing to make something they'd been serving to children.

Tamburella also argued the firing was tied to a hand injury at work, but the Fair Work Commission threw out his claim for being filed too late. He now works at a different Italian restaurant. Pineapple does not appear on its menu.

Pizza is having a rough week internationally. In Russia, Putin adviser Elena Yampolskaya said pizza "is definitely not the kind of food that should be present in educational institutions," and suggested a traditional stuffed pie instead. An activist had already made the political case, noting Italy supplies weapons to Ukraine and calling pizza "soft power in a cardboard box." He also called it "Italian flatbread with ketchup," which is a fair description of school pizza in every country on Earth.

Yampolskaya did say pizza is fine as an occasional treat, with parental permission. So it's gone from lunch to a permission slip.

So in one week, pizza got a chef fired in Australia and got called a foreign influence operation in Russia.

In England, Guinness World Records has certified Brenda Willison, the town crier of Newmarket, as the loudest woman on Earth. She shouted "oyez" at 105.9 decibels, which Guinness compares to standing next to a snowblower. She says she wasn't at her best that day, because she had a cold.

Her career started in 1987, when the Peterborough paper advertised for a town crier. She ran catering at a country park with two cafés a mile and a half apart. Her daughter, without telling her, wrote in to say that if Brenda stood outside one café and shouted "chips," they'd hear her at the other. That was the application. It worked.

Guinness also notes her school reports said she tended to be loud in class. The teachers flagged it as a problem. It was a career.

Over on AskReddit, people spent yesterday asking what single rule change in a major sport would be the funniest.

The top answer: in baseball, the batting team gets to put one of its own players out in the field to mess with the defense. One commenter immediately started coaching it. Where do you put the guy? Does he fight the first baseman? If he throws the ball over the fence, is that a home run?

Someone proposed letting every NFL team use its mascot as a player, so the Bengals get a real tiger. Replies quickly worked out the losers, starting with the Dolphins. The Jets, one person noted, depend entirely on whether they get a fighter jet or a jacuzzi nozzle.

Also suggested: soccer with no running, and video review of whether a player was properly speed walking. And golf, where every downswing requires a war cry. Brenda has a future in golf.

A gentler thread asked what other languages say instead of "bun in the oven."

In French, an old phrase translates to "a Punch puppet in the drawer." Danish has "with roe," which got the reply, "Danish women are fish, good to know." In Hindi and Urdu, one commenter offered "her feet have gotten heavy," which she never understood until she was pregnant and the swelling started. Croatian uses "blissful state." One mother replied she was more of a "vengeful state" type. And a Dutch commenter shared a joke that goes: "It started as a joke. The joke became Ernst. Ernst can almost walk now."

Alright guys, That’s all I have for you today. Have a great day. Thanks for listening. See you tomorrow!